Monday, January 07, 2008

Tom Brady Wins 2007 NFL MVP, Says: "I Impregnate Hot Actresses And Bang Models, But Thanks For The Hardware!"

In what should come as a surprise to the helmet and short bus set, New England Patriots Quarterback Tom Brady rampaged his way to the 2007 Associated Press NFL MVP Award on Saturday. The Pats QB won with an astounding 49 of 50 votes. Three time MVP and Green Bay Packers legend, Brett Favre, received the other vote which was said to be cast by someone who went by the name of Not Bridget Moynahan.

Everybody's All-American said: "I am grateful to all of the voters for any consideration I was given. It is a tremendous honor and I am sure it is one that my family will one day look back on with great pride." He then went on to add: "Seriously though, who else were you gonna give it to? My team's probably gonna go 19-0. I've seen more A-list tail than a Beverly Hills gynecologist and I could probably endorse "Al Qaeda Flakes" and people would buy them. I'm Tom Brady, bitch!"

We here at HMJ would like to say that Tom Brady is a douchebag and we hate him and the entire Patriots team. He's an extremely lucky douche of mythic proportions. The kind that the Japanese would make a cartoon about featuring five robots that turn into him. Chuck Norris' grandchildren will be told Tom Brady stories. The man has such good fortune, if he tripped walking down the street, he'd fall face first into Scarlett Johansson's vagina. Yeah...lucky like that!

He's also a pretty good, quarterback.

Congratulations Tom!

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