Tuesday, January 01, 2008

The Oprah Effect: Like Whiskey With A Labotomy Chaser

As we creep closer to the Iowa Caucus, we've decided to take a look at just what Oprah's backing has done for the Obama ticket. In an interview with ABC News last month, Lord Winfrey proclaimed: “Well obviously, Obama’s great because I’m believing that the person that I’m speaking up for is gonna take it all the way,” Also adding. “And then if that doesn’t happen, I might readjust my thinking.” The question is: Does her stamp of approval "readjust" the voters thinking? HMJ set out to find some answers.

In a Jebus poll conducted by an independant firm, a select group of voters were asked: "What does the Oprah/Obama double fisted initiative mean to your vote?" A small gathering outside of William-Brice Center in South Carolina was eager to answer. One middle-aged, housewife and Winfrey minion said: "I'm sick and tired of people thinking I'm gonna vote for him just because The All Knowing said I should. I have a mind of my own! This Oprah's Bookclub pamphlet has all the objective information I'll need before I make that choice!" A young Obama supporter interjected: "This isn't the "olden times" when people listened to those that knew more than them. I wanna hear from people that make more than me. Rhodes Scholars don't have their own island...it's frickin' Oprah, man!" The rest of the the group simply said: "Nuuuuurrrgggghhhh!" pointed at a picture of Winfrey and then savagely tore open the skull of an unlucky passerby and proceeded to feast on the warm, gooey brain juice.

"Where does the line start?"
In conclusion, we here at HMJ have learned that while experience and a comprehensive understanding of issues such as foreign policy and healthcare may motivate some to go with a candidate, there's nothing like listening to rich, famous people who smile at you. I get down on my knees everyday and thank my blue-eyed, foreigner ass-kicking God that I live in a country where this line of thinking can shape our political infrastructure. American God bless us all!

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