Saturday, January 26, 2008

Let The Diapers Hit The Floor!

For what may be the first time in entertainment history, Hollywood has finally listened to public outcry and will give movie goers what they've been craving. A Peter Jackson-directed Hobbit movie? Uh-uh. A film where the black guy doesn't die within the first ten minutes? Uh...there are three Blade movies, thank you. After twenty years Sylvester Stallone will bring John Rambo back to the silver screen with the creatively titled Rambo.

With the success of 2006's Rocky Balboa, it was only natural that the Italian Stallion would bring another geriatric character back to the big-screen. The sixty year-old star ditched the metamucil and hit the HGH like a baseball player in December to get ready for the role. Through an interpreter, Stallone told us "The plastic hip held up pretty well durin' shootin' and I duct taped the waist and both legs of my underwear to my body during the tough action scenes." He then laughed as he told us "A couple times when I fell real hard I...ya know "went" on myself but it stayed in the diaper. A couple people were like "What's that smell?" but I didn't say nuthin!"

Murder She Wrote...bring it back, now!

Studios will be watching this weekends numbers very closely. With Stallone's opus unspooling and another Indiana Jones film premiering this summer, the AARP action genre may be the hottest ticket in town. Sources have informed us that execs are already looking at more of Sly's characters to bring back. Look for Over The Top II: Let's Do It Lefty and Stop Or My Mom Will Make That Old People Lip Smacking Noise! with the latter re-teaming Stallone with co-star Estelle Getty. When reached with this news at her home directly under the H in the Hollywood sign, Getty said "Oh, that's nice. Sly Stone is a nice boy and he makes wonderful music. Who called my name?"

"Where am I?"

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