Monday, January 21, 2008

Cloverfield Tops Box Office In Spite Of Itself

As a testament to my "It's the hormones in the meat" theory, Cloverfield tops the box-office this weekend with a whopping $46M take making it the largest January opening ever! The Blair Witch meets Godzilla schlockfest ran away with the receipts knocking Morgan Freeman/Jack Nicholson "Cancer, F--k Yeah!" fest, The Bucket List all the way to number three.

Cloverfield, the story about a monster that takes out its frustration on New York is a steaming pile of cliche culled from the mind of JJ Abrams, creator of Alias. The film shot in "shaky-cam" style like it's witch themed predecessor, succeeds in reaching new heights in mediocrity. With no-name, American Eagle Outfitters catalogue models in the lead roles, lines like "Run! run! run!", "What is that thing?" and "I saw it. It's alive. It's huge!" are delivered with such ferocity that Academy members are kicking themselves for having to waste a vote on such drivel as
No Country for Old Men and There Will Be Blood.

"We're like sooo not gonna get to see The Hills tonight, right?"

1 comment:

Dart Adams said...

I just saw that at 9:00 AM yesterday (no, I didn't go to a theater...that's what squares do!) and was like "Hold up, people paid more than $10 and didn't feel cheated?". It didn't suck but I thought I was watching an indie film made by a collaboration of Korean, Japanese and French dudes (all the British directors were busy trying to make a new genre of horror films for the Koreans, Japanese and French to perfect so that Hollywood could option them for remakes in 2011).