Thursday, January 24, 2008

Cloverfield Makes Viewers Sick...No Really, It Does

"Are those double-knit crewnecks from the fall collection? That's so hot!"

Cloverfield the box-office hit about monsters terrorizing Ambercrombie & Fitch employees in New York City, has succeeded in making people other than me violently ill. Sources say that the $46M dollar brain fart has been causing dizzyness and nausea for reasons other than its poor script and Youtube-caliber acting.

One blogger on the movie site IMDB, reported "I had to get up and leave the theater for nearly 20 minutes just to keep from hurling." he then added "Really? Motion sickness? Nah, I'm fine." Michael G. Stewart, chairman of otorhinolaryngology at NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital/Weil Cornell Medical Center called it a case of vertigo and said "You can look around and feel like things are moving, when they aren't." He then noted how in cases of vertigo the brain is confused by a visual sensation of movement while the body is stationary. He later cautioned that upon purchase of tickets for the film, a persons brain activity and functionality should be in question anyway.

Leaked poster for Cloverfield II: Clove Harder

The AMC chain of theaters across the country have posted signs warning moviegoers of potential "side effects associated with motion sickness similar to riding a roller-coaster." as well as "a feeling of shame and exploitation as you realized you are basically watching JJ Abrams defecate in a film cannister as your money continues to put his kids through school and pay off his platinum and diamond encrusted toilet bowl."

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