AP To Britney: You're In Our "Dead Pool"

Thanks, ma!

Proving that Lynne Spears isn't the only one who could give a crap about her, Associated Press entertainment editor Jesse Washington admitted yesterday that the AP already has an obituary printed for Britney Spears. The reasoning being that Spears' recent behavior has her in the "at-risk" category. "We would never wish any type of misfortune on anybody and hope that we would never have to use it until 50 years from now, but if something were to happen, we would have to be prepared and damnit, we want to be first!" said Washington. "Besides, she's been tongue kissing the reaper for a few years now. Every guy she's with is closer to sprouting bat wings and eating a new born child than the last one. Sheesh, have you seen this new guy draggin her drug-addled ass around? If she's dangling over the pit of doom on a rope, this douche has the scissors." The AP also noted that the practice is common and that it's been so for years. "Christ, I lose money every year on Andy Dick!" said an Associated Press staffer. "He's either part Irish or a cat! Death should just take the loss with this guy 'cause it ain't happenin'!"

Andy Dick: Still ducking the Reaper.