Monday, January 14, 2008

The 3 R's: Roidin', Rappin & R&B, Entertainers Named In Steroid Investigation

Senator Mitchell, look what ya done started? This weekend in a stunning revelation form an Albany-based steroid investigation, several rappers and entertainers were named in a list of possible steroid users or recipients. The list includes rappers 50 Cent, Timbaland and Wyclef Jean, R&B songstress Mary J. Blige and even writer/producer/director Tyler Perry. Sources say that officials are worried that the G-Unit rapper and others may have used the performance enhancing drugs to get an advantage on their contemporaries. "Hey, if these guys are using these things to say "f--k" with more emphasis, call women "hoes" or throw money at strippers with a greater degree of contempt than let's say Nelly or someone like that then no, it isn't fair and that's when the government steps in!"

Well, she is "big boneded"...

The investigation launched last year by Albany DA, David Soares looks to identify primary sources of steroid trafficking. Law enforcement officials have said the entertainers haven't broken any laws but "Would you care if it was Rico Schwartz and Tyrone Johnson? It's frickin' 50 Cent, this is awesome!" said the offical on the grounds of anonymity. Representatives of the entertainers had no comment so HMJ took to the streets and surveyed the damage.

Look at those arms. The "J" stands for juiced!

At the Virgin Megastore in Times Square, "Kip" Sanford-Wentworthington shooed his driver away to weigh in on the situation. "If these guys did that then it's wrong. When Kip Jr. is in the Hamptons for the summer doing drugs and blasting their music he has a right to know if "Fitty" called a woman or another rapper for that matter a "bitch-ass n-word" without any help. What does that say to the children?" Another mother chimed in "How can I look at my 12 year old daughter and tell her that when they "Make It Rain" on the "hoes" the guys doing it may have an edge over the average rapper? And what about the "hoes" are they checking them? Those ba-donkadonks are abnormal too. God help us all!" she then turned away to choke back tears.

No comments: