Show Me The Nutty: Tom Loves Being A 'Tologist!

"And then we'll deplete your planets' natural resources! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"


Mr. Katie Holmes delights the masses in a new leaked "Scientology, F--k Yeah!" promotional video. Tom Cruise has finally proven what we here at HMJ have known all along. Humanity is weird and Scientology is the norm. The tape is a medley of a zealots gretest hits (cue the scroll) including

• "Now is the time. Being a Scientologist, people are turning to you, so you better know it. You better know it. And if you don't, go learn it. But don't pretend you know it -- or whatever -- we're here to help."



• "If you're a scientologist, you see things they way they are, in all its glory, in all its complexity."



• "I do what I can and I do it the way I do everything [laughs maniacally]. There's nothing part of the way for me [slaps knee]. It's just whoooo [moves hand upward in rocket motion]." *Jesus, he's made it easy for me today!-AM

and my personal favorite:

• "It's too late we're here. We're in your schools, political offices, everywhere. We're eating brains and taking names...or eating names and taking brains. Gleep, glorp nyaack nyaack nyaaaack! Ack! Ack! Ack!

Attempting to view the video at Youtube will get you this message: This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by Church of Scientology International

We here at HMJ would just like to say...no...put that down...how'd you get in here? It's true these mother fu-...

Due to unfortunate circumstances, Help Me Jebus! is done for today...