Mitt Hits The Fan: Romney Wins In Daddy's Backyard

"Thanks for your support honey...and honey...and you too honey!"

Latter Day Saints be praised, Mitt Romney notched a victory over John McCain in his home state of Michigan last night to be come the front runner du jour for the Republican Party. According to media outlets, Romney beat John McCain by a nine percent margin garnering 39 percent of the vote to McCain's 30. Rudy "I Was There On 9/11" Giuliani also registered a whopping 3 percent of the vote!

"Tonight marks the beginning of a comeback for America," Romney said "You got out and told America what they needed to hear....and that is...um...yeah...you know my dad the GOVERNOR used to work here, right? Kill brown people! No gays...and oil money for everyone! Well not all of you but, you guys know who I'm talking to...uh... Whooo!" He was then quickly ushered off stage.

Artist rendition of how it may have looked at the Michigan voting booths.

Analysts say the Romeny Wives played a big part in the outcome. "All he did was tell his wives to get to the polls." said one shaken volunteer. "It looked like the final battle in 300! I can't find my sister! Has anyone seen my sister?" South Carolina's polygamy laws may play a big part in Saturday's primary.