Winehouse Moves Up In Jebus Dead Pool


They tried to make her got to rehab she said: "Pass that sh*t!" Like a presidential candidate with backing from Oprah, Chuck Norris and Tom Brady, UK coke receptacle Amy Winehouse jumped to the top of the HMJ Dead Pool with her latest drug fueled episode.


Winehouse was caught on video trying to make the world forget Robert Downey Jr. as she took pulls on a rock-filled, glass pipe in front of friends at a party in her UK flat. Beacon of journalistic virtue, The Sun also claimed she snorted powdered ecstacy and cocaine during her 19 minute tribute to Bobby Brown. To make sure she had all her bases covered, the "Rehab" singer then told her guests she'd be unable to go out with them because she had swallowed six valium as well.

Jebus odds makers put her at 4-1 to not make it to the end of the year. "Britney is crazy. Lohan is more likely to get something nasty in her undercarriage than bite it...unless she's driving. This Winehouse chick though is "crack crazy"! said the bookie "She's becoming the New England Patriots of self-destruction. She's Artie Lange with breasts!" Well, smaller ones...

AP To Britney: You're In Our "Dead Pool"

Thanks, ma!

Proving that Lynne Spears isn't the only one who could give a crap about her, Associated Press entertainment editor Jesse Washington admitted yesterday that the AP already has an obituary printed for Britney Spears. The reasoning being that Spears' recent behavior has her in the "at-risk" category. "We would never wish any type of misfortune on anybody and hope that we would never have to use it until 50 years from now, but if something were to happen, we would have to be prepared and damnit, we want to be first!" said Washington. "Besides, she's been tongue kissing the reaper for a few years now. Every guy she's with is closer to sprouting bat wings and eating a new born child than the last one. Sheesh, have you seen this new guy draggin her drug-addled ass around? If she's dangling over the pit of doom on a rope, this douche has the scissors." The AP also noted that the practice is common and that it's been so for years. "Christ, I lose money every year on Andy Dick!" said an Associated Press staffer. "He's either part Irish or a cat! Death should just take the loss with this guy 'cause it ain't happenin'!"

Andy Dick: Still ducking the Reaper.