Thursday, January 31, 2008

Britney Spears Commited, TMZ Worried She'll Make Full Recovery

After months of erratic behavior, disgraced pop icon Britney Spears was finally committed last night to UCLA Medical Center's psychiatric ward. After the courts deemed her a 5150 (a danger to the public and herself), an ambulance led motorcade worthy of a US president showed up to take her to the hospital. With parents and other leeches in tow, the meal ticket to the soulless was hauled off for her date with the noggin doctor.

Harvey Levin stops to pose for the HMJ cameras.

Outisde of the hospital TMZ's chief sack of vinegar, Harvey Levin paced nervously about dressed in black. A distraught Levin proclaimed "Either way, this is a sad day for entertainment and whatever it is we do over at TMZ. On one hand she can get proper medical care and fully recover. Or she can have a total relapse and die." The fruit of Satans taint then added "Neither one is really good for us as we can only milk it for so long. Ledger's dead. If we had known he had a problem we would have made fun of him and his habit daily until he kicked it. This chick made us. We feed our families by calling her fat and praying for her to overdose but we don't want her to stop know...spread it out over a couple of years?"

As a contingency plan, staffers at the journalisitic abomination of God and man have taken to shouting fat jokes and tossing crack cocaine at Hannah Montana while filming it and trying to get anyone from High School Musical to hang out with Rick Salomon. "We have bills to pay,"said one staffer on the grounds of anonymity. "We tried yelling stuff at Brad and Angelina's kids. Tried calling them fat or drug addled but they stare at us like they don't understand. Foreign kids are weird."

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