"Screw you guys, I'm going home."
Citing a need to "step aside so that history can blaze its path", John Edwards has dropped out of the race for the Democratic party nomination. After finishing second in the Iowa Caucus, the senator was soundly defeated each time by Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. This would be the second time Edwards has stepped down after a failing primary campaign.
In other primary news, Hillary Rodham Clinton celebrated an empty victory in Florida last night. By taking 50% of the vote, Clinton beat Obama in the Sunshine States' primary. Unfortunately, it has been established Florida's delegates won't be seated at the August convention, because the state broke party rules by jumping the gun on traditional early-voting states like New Hampshire and Iowa. In laymen's terms the win holds the value of defective scratch-off lottery ticket. Still Hillary held a rally fit for a man who aprehended Bin Laden, discovered the cure for cancer and figured out a Rubiks cube while blind folded. "I am thrilled to have had this vote of confidence that you have given me today!" Clinton told cheering supporters. Political analyst Hank Manfre shrugged and said: "It's kinda like winning a date with Star Jones. You win but have you really won?"