Monday, March 10, 2008

Seven Deadly Sins: DA REMIX!

"Crack is wack! Can you dig it? Can you dig it? CAN YOU DIG IT?"

Kanye West. Diddy. Dr. Dre. The Vatican? Taking a page from the book of Kanyezee, the Catholic Church decided to take something really old (1,500 years to be exact) that no one has given much thought to in a while and remixed it fresh for the '08! Citing a need for them due to a "decreasing sense of sin in today’s securalised world”, the Pope decided to add on to the original Seven Seadly Sins to make it "hip" for the kids.

The new or "iSins" as the Chucrh wants to call them include:

  • "Evil genetic manipulators" or scientists involved in cloning, stem cell research, etc.

  • abuse of drugs "God thinks crack is wack too"

  • huge inequality of lining an organizations coffers for the sake of "hush money"

  • Environmental callousness or "littering"...turns out Woodsy the Owl was a Prophet: Give a Hoot or YOUR SOUL WILL BURN IN HELL FOR AN ETERNITY!
  • and strangely asterisked and footnoted with "do as I say" in the smallest print legible: pedophila

The last thing you see before your anguished screams echo in hell.

Bishop Gianfranco Girotti, head of the Apostolic Penitentiary, the Vatican body that oversees confessions and plenary indulgences, said priests must take account of “new sins which have appeared on the horizon of humanity as a corollary of the unstoppable process of globalization”. The Catholic Church divides sins into venial, or less serious, sins and mortal sins. It holds mortal sins to be ‘grave violations of the Ten Commandments and the Beatitudes’ and holds that ‘the souls of those who die in a state of mortal sin descend into Hell’. Suprisingly, denigration of women, shaking down the poor and downtrodden for tithe, and homosexuality(or the "so-so" sin as they like to call it) were mysteriously omitted.

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