Thursday, March 13, 2008

Jebus Jabber: The David Paterson Interview

"You dropped the ball, Captain Clean! Ha ha!"

Among the rubble of the Eliot Spitzer campaign there seems to be a flower of a carreer blooming. Liuetenant Governor David Paterson, was sworn in today as governor-designate for the state of New York amid the frenzied hoopla of the still reeling, Spitzer administration. Help Me Jebus! was there at this historic event and the freshly minted governor sat down with us for a quick Q&A:

" she making a face again?"

Help Me Jebus: Do you see yourself as having the same ideals as Spitzer or someone that can turn Albany in a new direction?

David Paterson: I can't see anything.

HMJ: What do you see happening to former governor Spitzer?

DP: Uh...nothing?

HMJ: Would you ever get into such a predicament?

DP: Nah, can't see that happening?

HMJ: What do you think of "Kristen"?

DP: I can't see what all the fuss is about. I really can't see it.

HMJ: Likes and dislikes?

DP: I like feeling like I can make a change up here in Albany. Dislikes? When my co-workers hide stuff. Not funny at all. My sense of hearing is superhuman. I can hear them giggling under their breaths. News Flash: I can hear an ant scream when it's crushed a block away, ya douchebags!

HMJ: Do you look forward to any gubernatorial perks?

DP: Perks? My driver gets the best spot already! Do you see the plates on that baby parked outside? That little blue guy in the chair has more juice than Oprah in a room full of mid-western housewives.

HMJ: Finally, how does it feel to be New York's first black Governor?

DP: I'm WHAT!?!

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