Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Not So "Hottie"

Why pay for it when you've seen it for free? That must have been the rationale behind the publics' decision to stay away from the celluloid Hiroshima known as The Hottie and the Nottie starring Paris Hilton. Movie goers having seen her slightly more talented vagina gratis on the net, decided against paying to see a film where she is clothed and attempting to put sentences together. With an estimated $25,000 weekend take, the film made Vince Vaughn's Wild West Comedy Show: 30 Days & 30 Nights look like a Star Wars opening and that one only took in a little more than $500,000.

"I only saw half of it and I felt my womb go barren."

"I think that clip on Youtube with the two chicks fighting at school recess was seen by more people," said box office analyst Artie Manfre, adding "I just checked the site. Not only that clip but some fat kid making hand shadows has got it beat by a mile!" A momentary wave of common sense is believed to be the culprit in this opening weekend no show. A man who asked to be called "Not The Director" said "I watched a colonoscopy in film school once, it was riveting in comparison to this!" He then went on to say " I tried my best with this receptacle but whenever I said "action", she tilted her head to the side like a confused puppy and then slowly spread her legs."

The studios haven't been deterred by this showing and have optioned the celebrity protein collector for three more films. Sources say a remake of the Morgan Freeman/Dustin Hoffman germ paranoia film Outbreak, Legs Wide Open, a sequel to the Tom Cruise film and The Hottie And The Nottie 2: Not Harder are in the developmental stages as of this writing.

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