Thursday, February 14, 2008

"I Got Your Back, Dawg!", Romney Endorses McCain

"Now we gotta get rid of the cankle-y chick and the black guy!"

Citing that he is doing it "in the interests of healing", Mitt Romney has pledged to endorse Senator John McCain for the GOP presidential nomination. "I am honored today to give my full support to Sen. McCain's candidacy for the presidency of the United States," said Romney adding, "This is a man capable of leading our country in this dangerous hour. Not just against terrorists or uppity colored people who think they can run a country but also Mike Huckabee. Threatening to slap me? He's out of his f--king mind!"

According to sources in both the Romney and McCain camps, it was a Romney campaign advisor that suggested a union with McCain. It was done in hopes that the former Massachusetts governor would sway his delegates to rally behind McCain's candidacy. A Republican analyst in the know stated "Look, we know he's not the best we have but that sack of Geritol is all that stands in the way of womens pantsuits in the oval office or Flo-Rida singing at the inauguration. I mean...Jesus."

Romney had collected 286 delegates before he suspended his campaign two weeks ago. Those delegates would give McCain 1,113 total delegates, 78 short of securing the nomination. Republicans are now worried that the longer Mike Huckabee lingers, the tougher it will be for McCain to rally support. There are "still a lot of Republicans around this country who have yet to vote, many of them who feel like their voices still ... [need] to be heard." Huckabee said. "I owe it the people who got me here. And besides me and Chuck ain't goin' nowhere! I ain't hard to find McCain! You and pompadour come see me...bitches!" Huckabee then motioned as if he were going to slap the reporter. Promptly ending the interview.

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