National Treasure On Top For THIRD Straight Week At The Box Office, God Threatens Retirement

"Respectable acting career's gotta be in here somewhere..."

Another week, another first place finish for Disney and Nicolas Cage with National Treasure: Book of Secrets! The Mensa fest held on to the top spot at the box office this weekend with an estimated $20.2M Giving the film an overall $171M take and cementing it's place as a true testament to the mind numbing stupidity of filmgoers across the country.











The Almighty: Not a happy camper at all.

The surprisingly strong showing has elicited a response from the Almighty himself who claimed: "Oh come on, you gotta be kidding me! Three weeks? How did I let that happen?" he then went on to say "Floods have ravaged villages and famine has devestated continents but come on, help me out people it's...it's stupid! The frickin' thing is just stupid...Chuck Heston making water part is a stretch but your "founding fathers" having the foresight to hide treasure all over the country? Your "founding fathers" were too busy stealing land and making mulatto babies with their slaves...come on! This happens again I'm outta here...swear to frickin' me, I'm gone. Then we'll see how you like it!"

With Cloverfield not opening for another week, the All Powerful may be headed for some downtime.

National Treasure Tops Box Office For A Second Straight Week, Satan says: "Told You So!"

For the second week in a row, the Nicolas Cage actioner National Treasure: Book of Secrets topped the box office with a whopping take of $35.6M giving it a twelve day total of $124M. When asked for comment the Lord of Darkness as friends are prone to call him leaned back, sighed and uttered "Yeah...all me!" Also of note, the Alvin and the Chipmunks juggernaut continued to chug along with a $30M weekend and a $145M total in receipts. "I wish I could take credit for that one but...nah just kidding, that's me too! I'm starting the year out right! Come on dawg, POUND IT!" said the lovable fallen angel as he motioned for a fist dap.



In a recent interview with HMJ Nicolas Cage stated "In 26 years in the BUSINESS I finally figured out that while the viewing public loves a COMPETANT SCRIPT and first rate ACTING, they'll pay an ASSLOAD OF MONEY to hear me raise and lower MY VOICE FOR NO APPARENT REASON!" In an impromptu poll held outside of a recent screening of the Disney opus, a filmgoer on the condition of anonimity stated he loved the film and that it was: "More gooder than the first one because it showed where the presidents keep all the treasure and stuff." Another observer stated that while he liked it, the Area 51 part bothered him a bit because "secret caverns under famous landmarks are believeable but it stretches the imagination when you start saying God made aliens. I mean come on, right?"

National Treasure 3, please?