Sunday, February 17, 2008

Chelsea Crushes Kid Reporter

"Look at them, frightened...each and every one of them!"

David Shuster's mouth has seemingly written a check his behind can't cash and now the rest of the news media is paying for it. In the wake of Pimp-Gate in which the news correspondent commented how her mothers campaign "pimped her out", Chelsea Clinton and the rest of the Hillary '08 campaign ain't takin' no guff from anyone! The first step was the "indefinite suspension" of Shuster (now to be lifted on February 22nd). Next she issued a decree that her child was "off-limits" to the media in any age bracket during her campaign as "kid reporter" Sydney Rieckhoff quickly found out.

Recently in Iowa Rieckhoff a budding reporter for journalism powerhouse Scholastic News , pursued Chelsea to ask her some hard hitting questions. After fighting her way through the sweaty throngs of reporters, the fourth grader hit the former first daughter with a barrage of questions. After the customary "What's your favorite color?" and "How does your mother's healthcare program differ from others?", the Nancy Grace-in-training went for the jugular with "Do you think your dad would be a good "first man" in the White House?" The first spawn responded "I'm sorry, I don't talk to the press and that applies to you. Even though I think you're cute." What happened next is really sketchy as some say the child was maced and put in an armbar by burly Secret Service men while others say demons shot forth from her mouth knocking the child to the floor as they rested the tape recorder from her fragile hands.

A consumate professional, Rieckhoff handled the ordeal stoicly.

"I threw up and pee-peed. Something with wings and bad breath grabbed me...I was so scared" said the stunned elementary schooler. She then added "My dad, said it was her mommy's fault that Vince Foster is dead. Maybe it's good I didn't get to ask her if it was true? I want ice cream." While admitting no wrongdoing, Hillary Clinton did acknowledge the incident. "What is she, nine? Ten? She'll be OK. The snot running from her nose...the quivering lips, I loved it. She's broken now. " The child is said to be on temporary leave for "mental health" issues according to Scholastic News.

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