Real Douchebags Angered By Kanye West Comparison










(l) Helpful douche (r) Hurtul "douche"

Millions of Taylor Swift fans aren't the only ones offended by Mr. West's latest award show antics. It seems the feminine hygiene community is up in arms at the constant comparisons to the Louis Vitton Don. Vin Ager, an attorney claiming to speak on behalf of "millions of real douchebags everywhere" fired off a scathing letter to the press:


For years now the actions of Mr. Kanye West have been attributed to "douchebag behavior", "acting like or being a douche" or "douche-y". Let the record show that since the 1800's we have helped wash away things almost as foul as Mr. West himself and we ask at this time that he no longer be identified as being a "douchebag". He hasn't now or ever been one of us. If you want to identify him with anything we suggest:

• Scumbag-because catching semen is a crap job


• Asshole-with his mouth being reminiscient of one as it produces shit

or

• Extremely lucky, arrogant vocoder using, obnoxious and questionably talented fucktard...unless there are also objections from the fucktard community.

If we have to be identified with untalented celebrities we would like to keep it limited to harmless "douches" like John Gosselin, Spencer Pratt or any male reality star on VH-1.

Thank you.

Story developing...

Hillary Reeling In The Wake Of Obama Luther King, Republicans High Fiving

"What the...When the HELL did he start talking like that?"

After a stunning defeat at the hands of Barack Obama, the Clinton Campaign team is scrambling for a new strategy. Fear that their "President By Injection" initiative is backfiring has caused them to focus on other ways to attack the front runner. On Friday at the 100 Club party fund raiser in Milford, NH, Clintons comment of: "Some people think you make change by "hoping" for it." was met with boos and chants of "O-Ba-Ma!" This has caused many insiders to speculate that the former first lady is cankle-deep in trouble.

What's surprising is how they have yet to attack the change in Obama's cadence. He started the campaign with the basic speech pattern that didn't seperate him from the pack. However, by Iowa he seemed to be sampling late civil rights leader Martin Luther King. His "They saaaaaid, it coudn't happen.." speech was eerily reminiscent of the oratory style of the great leader. Sources say that the surviving King family members will seek royalties from Obama if he persists in mimicking the mannerisms of their deceased patriarch in an attempt to woo voters with a sense of '60's, civil-rights nostalgia.

As of this writing, Camp Clinton has hired super producer Kanye West to help Hillary sample great speakers of the past. In a statement realesed by West he says: "Barack Obama does not care about dead people. Neither do I. In fact, I've got a platinum toilet bowl in my house for plundering the talents of the deceased and others so why not do it to political figures too?" A camp advisor on the grounds of anonimity stated: "We told him we kinda want a mash-up of JFK and Malcolm X. A little something for everybody, ya know?"

Republicans have taken a wait and see attitude in all of this. "Right now, we're like the guy in the schoolyard who watches from the sidelines as the two bullies fight." said a political observer in the know. "Hopefully, they'll destroy each other and then we'll steamroll in and crush anyone left standing. By god, they'll be praying global warming does us in before we get another four years in the White House!" Longtime GOP supporter, Emperor Palpatine simply cackled: "Good." as he rubbed his hands together.

Palpatine: Still pulling strings from behind the scenes.