Showing posts with label Disney. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Disney. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Disney Unearths Two Classics For DVD Release!














Rotting in the vaults for years...well, the one on the right.

Just in time for the Easter Holiday, Walt Disney unveils two timeless classics. Premiering on DVD this week is 101 Dalmatians , resurrected from the Disney vaults for the first time in a decade. Cruella de Vil and her quest for a rare and pricey dalmation coat are brought to life on this beautiful, digitally restored print of the 1961 film. Your children will delight in the restored "skinning" scene with all the yelps in tact.

However the real jewel in the crown is the second release. After over sixty-years in the bowels of Disney's vaults come its pride and joy, as Song of the South makes it's way to home video with a special Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah Slavery Is Swell Edition. The story revolves around Uncle Remus, the happiest slave on the plantation. His life and the life of his masters son Johnny, changes after he takes the boy in when he runs away from his divorcing parents. The child grows to love his friendship with the slaves, much to the chagrin of his proper mother. The movie was the first of its kind to show that no matter how bad it is for white people, a singing smiling, black guy makes everything feel alright.


"Stew tastes good huh? ...yeah, I peed in it."


As an added bonus there's a never before seen Director's cut which shows a more reflective, darker Remus who rose up against his oppressive masters but still had time to sing with animated birds. Some bonus features include songs cut from the film like "Stop Whippin' Me, Ya Bastards!", "You Mean I Can't Leave?" and "I Ain't Pickin' Shit!" (a fiery protest song sung by the character after he gets reprimanded for regaling the children with his tales of Br'er Rabbit). These were cut initially to give the film a lighter feel. Also in the bonus footage section the "foot cutting scene" (when a fellow slave gets a little too spry for his own good, his masters put him in check) and the extended and very explicit "love that dare not speak its name" scene where Johnny's mother realizes divorce might not be so bad. When asked about the racist overtones and perceived insensitivity of the film, a company flack stated "I think it's time for this film to be released," adding "I mean he sings and he smiles and...dog gone it, his voice is nice. I think people have gotten over that "thing" don't you?"


"...and tomorrow, I'll tell you where I buried him."



When first informed about the news of the releases, the Rev. Al Sharpton said he had mixed feelings about the messages being sent by a movie with black and white dogs as the stars. "You got these predominantly white dogs with little black spots on them, and that lady wants them to make a valuable coat out of them," said the civil rights leader. "I wonder how rare the coat would have been if it was a black dog with white spots? That's why I've started my own production company and our first animated picture is called 101 Pitbulls. It stars the voices of Gary Coleman, Lil' Kim and Coolio!" When asked what the plot was, the reverend confided that there really wasn't one and the film mainly consisted of the title characters attacking unsuspecting white folks. After being reminded that Song of The South was also set for release, Sharpton fainted.


Come for the cute dogs, stay for the good old fashioned racism.


Thanks Disney!

Friday, February 22, 2008

Yeah, But I'm Still Alive...Today













This week New York Magazine premiered a stunning tribute to legendary drug-addled trampoline Marilyn Monroe by having not so-legendary, drug addled receptacle Lindsay Lohan mimic her "Last Sitting" photo spread from 46 years earlier. Original photographer Bert Stern shot Lohan in various stages of dress and undress for his pictorial that accompanies a recent Li-Lo interview. The stunning photos were shot in black and white and color and are viewed as an attempt to resucitate the 21 year-old's floundering, post-I Know Who Killed Me carreer.


Some excerpts form the interview:



  • When asked about Heath Ledger's and Monroe's untimely deaths: “They are both prime examples of what this industry can do to someone… I don’t know. I’m not them. But I sure as hell wouldn’t let it happen to me. I'll probably be driven mad by syphilis but drugs...Vicodin are like Skittles to me.”

  • Regarding nudity: You know how many cell phone cameras in Hollywood have pics of my junk? Are you serious? Tasteful nudity? Oh you mean with nothing in my mouth? Oh, that's cool too."

  • On Monroe herself: “Here is a woman who is giving herself to the public. She’s saying, ‘Look, you’ve taken a lot from me, so why don’t I give it to you myself?’ She’s taking control back. I can't believe she blew out her o-ring on the casting couch though. Did you hear about that? Totally had no elasticity...that's so gross!"



"I respect the photographer as an artist, so I look at them artistically. For him to call Lindsay 46 years later and to say can you recreate these photos is an honor." beamed a proud Dina Lohan. She then added "Look at her cans, they're gorgeous! They're heavenly! The amount of product anyone of her boyfriends and myself have snorted off of them...I couldn't begin to tell you. The world should be so lucky to see them...again." Lohan went on to say her daughter was a huge Marilyn Monroe fan even though the star was long dead by the time she started to live vicariously through her child via her Disney money.



"Drink alot of Red Bull tonight...yeah dude...both of us!"

Saturday, January 05, 2008

Scammah Montana Mom Apologizes

Evil plucks its eyebrows

Human oil spill, Priscilla Ceballos spoke to the Today Show via-satelite yesterday in an attempt to redeem herself for the minor infraction of claiming her husband died in Iraq so that she and her 6 year-old daughter could "realize her dream" and win Hannah Montana tickets. The teen pop sensation whose singing voice requires more special effects than a Star Wars movie, is played by Miley Cyrus and is the hottest ticket in the country. The plot was uncovered by Libby Lu fanclub after a background check on Ceballos' winning essay revealed that her husband was alive and well. The tickets were quickly revoked by the club.


In a heart wrenching letter allegedly "written" by the child it claimed: "My daddy died in Iraq..." and went on to say that the child dreamt of winning the tickets. When first reached for comment, Ceballos showed compassion in stating: "The contest rules never stated if the story had to be non-fiction." She quickly changed her tune when she was reminded that THOUSANDS OF OTHER CHILDRENS REAL DADDIES AND MOMMIES had been lost in the senseless and overlong, brown people blood orgy in the middle east.


During the interview she apologized to the families of soldiers fighting abroad but still said "Hey...I only wanted tickets. I mean come on...COME ON!" What was hard to ignore was the crawl underneath her which placed the blame squarely on her demon child and claimed Ceballos was there to "defend" her. Thank blonde-highlighted Jesus, that the Today show ensured we knew who drove this woman to such debauchery.