Catholic League Tells ESPN Anchor, "No, F--k YOU!"

The Catholic League was on the offensive this week as it questioned ESPN's response in the suspending of anchor Dana Jacobson after buckling to pressure from them. During a roast for on-air personality Mike Greenberg in Atlantic City, an intoxicated Jacobson declared "F--k Notre Dame", "F--k Touchdown Jesus," and finally "F--k Jesus!" They claim her apology and subsequent suspension are not enough and that the Disney-owned network is supporting her "hate speech" by not publicly disemboweling her like Mel Gibson at the end of Braveheart.

League president Bill Donohue claims "First, there is no evidence that ESPN is taking this matter seriously," he then said. "Are we to believe that her hate speech is of no consequence?" He went on to mention the firing of Jimmy The Greek and that her intoxication was no excuse as it didn't help Gibson with his remark about Jews. Finally he noted "By far the most offensive thing she said, 'F--- Jesus,' isn't even addressed!" He then quickly reminded us how Catholics are more "gangsta" than any religion and that Jacobson should "check herself" because they've slaughtered thousands for something as trivial as not sharing their beliefs.

"It's all good, Dana."

Jesus was spotted leaving the Hannah Montana concert in Las Vegas, Nevada on Tuseday and had this to say: "She said that? Dude, whatever." After more prodding the Spawn of The Almighty exclaimed "Uh...millions of people worship me in different ways. I've got about a million names. There's incurable diseases, heinous crimes against humanity, senseless war and I'm still not sure how Carrot Top sells out Vegas every night. I'm the son of God...I've WON! Let it go already!"

Christianity, F--k yeah!

Anchor Lynched for saying "Lynch": Sharpton And The "Word Police" Strike Again!

The most intolerant advocate of tolerance ever to walk the earth is at it again! Al "Watch Your Mouth" Sharpton has rallied his troops in an effort to lay an "Imus" on Golf Channel personality Kelly Tilghman. During coverage of the Mercedes Benz Championship, Tilghman engaging in some broadcast booth banter with colleague Nick Faldo, said that if other golfers hoped to compete with Tiger Woods they should "gang up on him and lynch him in an alley" in order to have a sporting chance. The comments set off a firestorm forcing Sharpton to stop schmoozing for free schwag, donations and assisting felons and to get medievil on her ass. The network responded by suspending her for two weeks.

Al and "sis" Ann Coulter at the Satan Family Reunion/Barbecue Of Souls

In a statement released by the Ultra-Perm pitchman, he noted: "It's not about Tiger Woods. It's about the station. It's about using public airwaves to offend people," Also adding. "Some things are beyond the pale of discussion. Everyone knows that if you say something, everyone better like it and if they don't you better make a donation to my church!" He went on to say it showed a deep seeded racism in the sportscaster and an apology may not be enough, and that she should be fired. Sharpton also said that the Golf Channel can expect his National Action Network to picket their offices in Orlando, Florida and if there are cameras there to expect him as well. This comes despite a statement released from Woods' camp saying that her statements were not perceived to be racist in tone or intent.

Letter-Man: Putting the "w" in "white racists".

Seeing a need to control what comes out of people's mouths, the reverend has lauched an all out war on the English language. Even going so far as to target former Electric Company mascot, Letter-Man. Citing his ability to "put words together" as "sowing the seeds of racism." On the NAN's "You Can't Say That Anymore" agenda are the following offensive words or phrases:

• fat
• straight haired ho
• curly but not quite nappy headed ho
• ho ho ho
• retard
• the
• it

and

• disingenuous ambulance chasing publicity whore race baiter who never apologized for falsely accusing a man of rape and sodomy

Go get 'em, Al!